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Snarky+sarcastic=snarkastic.
Name: Madison Villanueva, a movie geek.

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Raiders of the Lost Ark

Snakes. Why’d it have to be snakes?

If you’re reading my blog and have no knowledge of what Indiana Jones is or what it’s about, I would just like to say, kindly leave and put your head down the toilet. When you’re finished, ask someone who hasn’t been living under a rock.

For a self-proclaimed movie buff, I’m still missing out on a bunch of movies [I got the Godfather for my birthday, ok?! I’ll get to it!]. But, I am proud to say that I have seen Raiders of the Lost Ark [and in HD!]. It took sixteen years, but I have finally seen it! And I love it! Why, you ask? Well, you’re just going to have to read.

On a side note: I make prodigious use of contractions, don’t I? I’m going to have to fix that. I digress.

Raiders of the Lost Ark is the epitome of blockbusters. That has its good and bad qualities. Blockbusters often have a lot of money to spend during its production, so as a result, everything is extravagant. You get Harrison Ford as the lead, you get Steven Spielberg directing, and you get George Lucas producing. You can’t get any more blockbuster-y than that. Because you have all these people and all that moolah, you end up with one well-executed, creative story a bit far-fetched but always entertaining.

One of the best and probably most popular feature of this movie is the score. [*light bulb turns on* You should play it while reading this review!] You can’t ask for a more fitting score. It’s as perfectly fit as the score in Star Wars [perfect movie score EVAAA]. It might be the same guy, but I’m too lazy to google it. Plus, I don’t want to depend on google too much. [Mhmmm… *sigh*]

The cinematography is mind blowing. Just look at that screenshot [from google. I’m totally not dependent on it.]. It just goes to show this is the result of production money being put to good use. The props, the sets, the filming locations would not be possible had not George Lucas produced it.

And of course, you need the perfect leading man. Harrison Ford carries the whole movie exceptionally well on his shoulders. His only fault: he’s AWFUL at throwing fake punches. Just awful. I hope I didn’t shatter the illusion for you. That’s ok; he possesses the power of the archaeologist.

What exactly is the power of the archaeologist, you ask? It is the logical reasoning for all the conveniences of Indiana Jones’s situation, whichever that may be. It is also the reason my sister gave me to excuse just how far-fetched Raiders of the Lost Ark is. Of course in blockbusters, there is the obvious good guy and the obvious bad guy(s). The good guys always have to win. Why? Because it’s their movie, and the audience would throw popcorn at the screen if the bad guys win.

I love the division between the real world and cinema. Indiana Jones is definitely cinema, with almost no trace of reality in it. I don’t think that’s too much of a negative fault, but it just makes it so much easier for me to make fun of it. If Nazis were after your ass, I think they would kill you right away rather than leave you in a fucking snake pit. If you steal valuable artifacts from tombs, I highly doubt a perfectly round rock would slowly roll down to crush you. If you got kidnapped by some freaky dude involved with Nazis, I think he would just go ahead and have his way with you rather than dress you up and have a few drinks. Don’t get me wrong. These are the elements of cinema that I love. It’s just so gosh darn easy to make fun of.

But I guess, it’s all because of the power of the archaeologist. Makes you think twice about those archaeologists in those videos from your history class, eh? Sure that lady look like a man and the dude looks like he has never gotten laid, but you never know. They have the ability to escape snake pits and avoid rolling boulders.

Notes

  1. snarkasticmoviegeek posted this